The Art of Coming Back

Read time: 2.5 minutes

A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a founder I deeply admire.

Brilliant woman. Built something real. Respected. Grounded.

And the whole time we were talking, I couldn’t shake this feeling.

Every time I offered a perspective—gently, curiously, without force—she'd shut it down.

It was like trying to open a window that someone had already nailed shut.

So later, I brought it to my colleagues.

Inside the AJC Coaching School, I'm part of this little circle we call the Service Game Group—five coaches I trust, Love, and challenge.

We meet to check our ego at the door and ask each other, “How can we serve better?”

I shared my experience over lunch, half-expecting someone to validate what I felt:

• “That woman was closed.”

• “That must’ve been frustrating.”

• “Totally—she's just not ready.”

But that’s not what I got.

One of them said something I truly didn’t expect…

Not to blame myself. Not to shrink.

But to check:

• Am I really listening?

• Is there an agenda I’m not admitting?

• Is my tone charged, even if my words are clean?

And then another colleague offered this:

Now that's where it got interesting...

Because what I was calling “her resistance”… may have just been mine.

That’s the thing with projection—it doesn’t always show up with blame.

Sometimes, it shows up as subtle superiority.

As “I’m just trying to help.” As a helpful-sounding judgment.

And I know better.

Because I’ve seen this same pattern in clients, in colleagues, in my family—and in me.

We say we want to live from our values.

We know what we care about.

We value Love. Integrity. Kindness. Presence. Respect.

We say we want to embody those things—not just talk about them.

But the truth?

We’re not always that.

We’re human.

And what I’m learning is this:

The goal is not to always be in alignment.

The goal is to notice when you’re not—and come back.

Kindness isn’t a destination. It’s a place you come from.

Presence isn’t a badge you earn. It’s a doorway you walk through, again and again.

Love isn’t an achievement. It’s a choice. A practice.

And that’s what clicked for me after those messages with my Service Game Group.

I don’t need to beat myself up for not showing up perfectly.

I just need to return.

• Return to listening

• Return to presence

• Return to the values I say matter most to me

Like a meditation.

You drift. You come back. You drift. You come back. You drift. You come back.

That “coming back” is the practice. And every time you do, you strengthen it.

Not perfectly—but intentionally.

So today, if you're open to it, I’d love to invite you into a little reflection:

And deeper than that:

Not to judge yourself. Not to perform.

But to come back.

That’s what integrity is—not perfection, but returning to what you said mattered.

Because at the end of the day?

You can’t give me the front of your hand without the back.

You can’t give me a coin without both sides.

So, you’re either living from the value—or you’re not.

It’s not about shame. It’s about choice.

You get to choose again. Right now. In this moment.

And the more often you choose it, the easier it becomes.

The catching gets faster.

The coming back gets lighter.

And slowly, over time—you become someone who doesn’t just know your values…

You live from them.

Even when you drift. Especially when you drift.

That’s the practice.

That’s the work.

That’s the invitation.

Thanks for reading!

Much Love,

Julian

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PS. What’s one value you say you care about deeply—but haven’t been coming from lately? Reply and name it as it is. Then, choose it. Come from it. Let it be the place you return to today.