Observing vs. Absorbing

Read time: 2 minutes

A while back, I told a family member about a decision I’d made.

Something I was proud of. Something I’d thought through with care.

Their response?

And I wish I could say I shrugged it off.

But I didn’t.

I absorbed it.

Their judgment, their tone, their “I would’ve…”

It got to me.

So much so that the next time a similar situation came up?

I froze.

I second-guessed myself.

I carried their words into that moment like they were mine.

But here’s the thing…

I didn’t realize, until much later, that this wasn’t my thought.

It wasn’t my insight. My philosophy. My principle.

It was someone else’s.

And I had absorbed it without ever stopping to observe it.

Big difference.

Absorbing is unconscious.

Observing is intentional.

Absorbing means you take something in and wear it like it’s yours—even if it never quite fits.

Observing means you can sit with something… without having to own it.

Without having to agree, defend, resist, or absorb.

Just… Be with it.

And I think this matters now more than ever.

Because we’re all being bombarded—by thoughts, takes, opinions, insights.

Some brilliant. Some triggering. Some flat-out false.

And without realizing it?

We absorb them.

We carry them.

We let them shape our thoughts, our days, our self-image.

Even in the smallest ways.

You have a conversation with someone who’s anxious, and suddenly you’re anxious.

You hear a friend doubt your big idea, and suddenly you’re doubting it too.

You read one person’s take on discipline, and suddenly you’re shaming yourself for resting.

Absorption sneaks in quietly.

But observation?

Observation lets you witness all of that… and still stay with you.

That’s been the biggest shift for me lately.

I’ve been connecting with more people—clients, friends, strangers in coffee shops.

And in these conversations, I’ve been practicing something new:

Not absorbing.

Just observing.

Listening without leaning.

Being present without taking anything personally.

I’m not here to carry anyone’s energy.

I’m not here to adopt every perspective.

I’m here to Be with them.

Fully. Clearly. Gently.

And if I do absorb something that’s not mine?

I get to forgive myself. I get to release it.

Because the goal isn’t perfection. It’s presence.

So, if you're open to it, let this be your gentle nudge:

What are you unconsciously absorbing right now?

What thoughts, judgments, or opinions are you carrying… that may not even be yours?

And what might open up for you if you just observed instead?

Remember:

The first step is awareness.

The second is acceptance.

And the third?

Choosing again.

Thank you for reading.

Much love,

Julian

P.S. Notice this in your next conversation. Just catch the moment you start absorbing someone’s energy. And choose again.

You’ll be surprised by how powerful you feel when you do.