How to Speak So People Listen

Read time: 2 minutes

A lot of people think coaching is just for… well, coaches.

But here’s what I want to say.

What we learn in coaching school?

It’s not just about coaching.

It’s about Life. It’s about people. It’s about presence.

And it applies whether you’re the CEO of a scaling startup, a creative trying to protect your focus, or someone navigating everyday relationships with more intention.

Because when we talk about coaching, what we’re really talking about is how to communicate with more truth, more care, and more clarity.

And one of the simplest, most powerful tools I’ve recently learned?

Permission-based questions.

Sounds basic, right?

But I promise—if used right... It will change the way people respond to you, open up to you, trust you, and connect with you.

It changed the way I speak to my mom.

It changed the way I speak to my partner.

It even changed the way I speak to my clients—and holding powerful conversations is literally what I do for a living...

Because here’s the thing:

When you ask someone,

• “Would it be okay if I shared a thought with you?”

• “Can I offer a reflection that might be helpful here?”

• “Do you want a solution, or do you just want to be heard right now?”

Something beautiful happens.

You’re not just giving advice. You’re not throwing insights into the air and hoping they land.

You’re creating safety. 

You’re inviting someone into the conversation—not pushing your way into theirs.

You’re signalling:

And 9 times out of 10?

That person softens.

They lean in.

Their nervous system relaxes—and their mind opens.

Why?

Because people don’t want to be fixed. They want to feel seen. Heard. Considered. Honoured.

As Matthew McConaughey wrote in Greenlights:

That line says it all.

Because when you lead with permission, that’s exactly what you offer:

Presence over performance, connection over correction.

This isn’t just some coaching trick. It’s not a script. It’s not about being polished.

It’s about being human.

And I believe, deeply, that if more people approached their relationships with this kind of care…

Workplaces would run smoother.

Marriages would thrive.

Conversations would heal instead of harm.

So whether you’re a founder, a leader, a coach, or a partner…

I invite you to try it this week:

• Before offering advice—ask.

• Before giving feedback—check in.

• Before jumping in—pause and say: “Would it be okay if I shared something that might support you?”

You’ll be amazed at how different the conversation feels.

Because when people feel safe, they open up.

And when people open up, real change becomes possible.

Much love,

Julian