How to Help When You Feel Helpless

Read time: 2 minutes

A friend called me last week, voice cracking:

And in that moment… my heart sank.

Not because I didn’t want to help—but because I couldn’t solve it.

• I couldn’t write a check.

• I couldn’t fix the numbers.

• I couldn’t wave a wand and make it all go away.

But I could choose how I showed up.

And I think that’s the crossroads a lot of us find ourselves in:

When someone we love is struggling…

Do we back away—because we don’t have the “right” answers?

Do we offer hollow words—just to fill the silence?

Or do we lean in?

That day, I chose to lean in.

I asked questions. I listened. I didn’t rush to fix. I didn’t try to reframe.

I just sat with the discomfort—with him.

And then, from that grounded place, I reached out to someone in my network.

Someone who knew that exact situation.

Who had walked that exact road.

And who was willing to share a path through it.

Three weeks later, I got a text:

And it hit me hard.

Because it reminded me:

Service isn’t always about solving. It’s more so about seeing.

Seeing someone—exactly where they are.

Staying with them—exactly as they are.

And supporting them—not from ego, but from love.

As a coach, I’ve seen this again and again.

But here's the thing, my friends!

This is NOT just in coaching.

I’ve seen founders who stopped trying to “fix” team issues—and started asking, “What’s most alive for you today?”

I’ve seen parents who stopped offering advice—and started offering real presence.

I’ve seen strangers turn into kindred spirits simply because someone chose to listen… without agenda.

True service transcends limitations.

And it’s not reserved for coaches or “helpers” or healers.

It’s for all of us.

Because if you work on yourself…

If you show up with presence…

If you offer love through attention…

You are of service.

To your partner. To your kids. To your community. To every room you enter.

So next time someone comes to you with something heavy…

Maybe the best thing you can do isn’t offer a fix…

…but offer yourself.

Wholly. Softly. Fully.

Because love—real love—isn’t found in the solution.

It’s felt in the seeing.

And if this seems hard...

Good!

This kind of presence isn’t innate.

It’s practiced. Chosen. Refined.

And it’s available to anyone willing to show up, even when it’s messy.

That's it.

Thank you for being here.

Much Love,

Julian

PS. I’d love to hear from you.

What’s one moment where you could’ve “fixed” but chose to serve instead?

Or a time you were on the receiving end of that kind of presence?

Reply and let me know. I read everything.