Explaining vs. Choosing

Read time: 5 minutes

So many of you tell me how much you Love these letters.

And that warms my heart. Truly.

Let me be direct & honest, though:

How many of you actually do what I invite you to do?

You read it. You may nod along. Possibly even say aloud “yes, yes.”

And then...

Do you proceed to close your phone and slide right back into the same story?

Do you continue running on fumes, telling yourself the same reasons why nothing has changed?

I don't ask from a place of judgment.

I ask because it matters.

Why are you here?”

Yesterday I was in a session with someone I care about deeply—let’s call him Alex.

He’s brilliant. Busy. A loving (exhausted) father.

And he came in feeling heavy.

  • His voice cracked as he talked about the late-night worries about his business.

  • His guilt every time he skipped putting his kids to bed.

  • His frustration when his partner told him she felt distant.

  • His exhaustion from investing so much time in training, studying, and absorbing strategy... yet feeling no closer to feeling capable or clear.

For almost 40 minutes, he poured out every “why not me” reason.

Every excuse.

Every justified explanation why he couldn’t show up.

Schedules, money, energy—Life was full of perfect justifications.

I sat there quietly. Listening attentively.

Then I asked:

“Alex—are you ready to stop explaining? Or just committed to sounding reasonable?”

His jaw tightened. He made an excuse. “I’m not against moving forward, Julian—just doing it responsibly.”

Right there—that moment—was clarity.

I can say this because I’m not immune either.

I mess up.

I stay up at night wrestling with my own head—

  • "Am I listening to the best of my ability?"

  • “Are these letters making a difference?

  • "Am I serving enough?"

Sometimes I catch myself just explaining away why I didn’t post, why I didn’t write, why I didn’t speak the truth I said I’d speak.

And I hear my own voice asking:

“You ready to stop explaining? Or just sounding reasonable?”

During our session, I asked Alex to imagine he was walking into a gym.

Everyone knows this—a gym isn’t where you go to justify how much weight you’ve gained.

It isn’t a place to rehearse your reasons.

It’s a place to change your body. To sweat. To move. To spend the energy somewhere real.

And just like at the gym... our conversations, our sessions—calendar blocks, coach calls, journaling—aren’t therapy for stories.

They’re opportunities for real, small shifts. To move when you could stay stuck. To speak when your head screams “not yet.” To choose again, after a setback.

So here’s the thing we did together:

Rather than cataloguing every reason, excuse, fear, limiting thought, we called it what it was:

... just a thought.

  • “My energy is low.”

  • "My family needs more of me.”

  • “I don’t have perfect clarity yet.”

Valid, yes—but also irrelevant to the work we were here to do.

Instead of fighting each thought, Alex practiced noticing.

"I see you. I hear you,” he said softly to his mind.

Then—skip the paragraph.

Not in denial. Not suppressing. Not “faking it till you make it.” Just awareness: “There you are.”

He didn’t need clarity—just the next best move.

Something better than explanation. Something aligned with what he said he valued: showing up, being a dad, being present with energy, not excuses.

Transformation starts in that gap:

When your mind is racing, your heart is often the only place quiet enough to guide your next step.

It doesn’t require hours. It doesn’t need money. It just needs a pivot.

So let me invite you (because yes—this is for you, too)...

Right now, wherever you are:

Notice the story you’re telling yourself about why you can’t show up—not the one you want, but the one you keep rehearsing.

Then pause.

Ask yourself:

What’s one small action I can take today, from a place of presence, not explanation?”

Could be:

  • Replying to that message you’ve ignored (parent, partner, client) with honesty—not “someday.”

  • Stepping into your living room and actually playing with your kids for five minutes—without scrolling.

  • Picking up the phone—even if it's just to say, “Hey, I’m thinking of you.”

  • Sending the draft you thought was “not ready.” You don’t need perfect; you need present.

But here’s something else I know might be true for some of you:

You’re reading this... and you’re just not ready.

And that’s okay, too.

Not everyone is.

Some people will read this and say, “Yeah, but not today.”

Some will tell themselves, “When the kids are older… when the business is more stable… when I have more time.”

I’m not here to argue with that.

I’m just here to help you get honest about it.

Because the real shift—the one that leads to transformation—often starts by simply admitting:

I’m not ready yet.”

Not pretending you are. Not beating yourself up for it.

Just telling the truth.

And sometimes that truth creates a crack wide enough for change to finally begin.

That’s what happened with Alex. Toward the end of our session, I asked him:

“Why are you here? Why did you invest in coaching?”

He paused, took a deep breath, and said, “Because I couldn’t keep pretending I had time to waste.”

The cost of staying stuck had finally become heavier than the fear of changing.

And maybe that’s your line in the sand, too.

Because readiness isn’t always a light switch—it’s often a slow boil. A moment where discomfort finally outweighs distraction. Where your soul gets louder than your strategy.

My coach once told me:

“You’ll know when it’s time. Just like in tennis—you’ll hit the sweet spot and your whole body will know it.”

And when you do—you won’t need someone to convince you.

You won’t need a quote. You won’t need another pep talk or podcast.

You’ll just know.

Because something inside of you will say:

It’s time.

Time to act, even if it’s messy.

Time to commit, even if it’s inconvenient.

Time to move—not because everything’s ready around you, but because something is ready within you.

And if that time hasn’t come yet?

That’s okay.

But please don’t lie to yourself about it.

  • Don’t dress up your waiting as reflection.

  • Don’t confuse consuming with creating.

  • Don’t pretend you’re “working on it” when really, you’re avoiding the work.

If you’re not ready—own that.

But if there’s even a 1% flicker in you right now, if something in your chest feels a little more awake than it did five minutes ago…

Lean into that.

You don’t have to leap.

You don’t have to do it all.

You just have to move a little differently than you did yesterday.

And if that’s too much?

Then ask yourself the most honest question of all:

What will it cost me if I don’t?

Because here’s what I know:

Life doesn’t wait for perfect conditions.

Clarity doesn’t chase comfort.

And the Life you want doesn’t arrive when things calm down.

It arrives when you decide to show up—ready or not.

So if you’re here—still reading this—I trust there’s a reason.

I trust something in you knows...

It’s not about the size of the step. It’s about the honesty of the choice.

So tell the truth.

Then take the step.

I’ll meet you there.

Much Love,

Julian

PS. If this landed for you, if something shifted—even slightly—I’d love to hear it. Reply and tell me the one thing you’re choosing differently today. Not for me—for you.