Babies with More Birthdays

Read time: 3.5 minutes

I want to talk to you about something I rarely see spoken about.

Something that used to silently sabotage MY power. And maybe, if you’re anything like me, it’s been quietly dimming yours too.

It’s the unspoken pedestal we place people on—especially when we call them adults.

Let me explain.

A few months ago, I told a client a story.

It was about how, for years, I found myself walking on eggshells around certain people.

Not because they were unkind. Not because they asked me to.

But because of who I thought they were.

I noticed it most around clients who were visibly older.

Fathers. Mothers. Married. Professionals. People who had, at least by appearances, built more Life than I had.

Whenever I entered a room—or a call—with someone who fit that mold, I would subtly shrink.

• I’d second-guess myself before speaking.

• I’d hold back the thing I saw.

• I’d over-explain, over-smile, over-soften.

All of it came from a single thought:

It didn’t matter if the insight I had was true. Or if it could help them see something that would change everything. The moment I saw them as an adult… my access to my own power started slipping.

And the worst part?

I thought it was humility.

I thought I was Being respectful. Polite. “Grounded.” But what I was really Being… was scared.

I’ve since realized something that’s shifted everything for me:

When fear arises, it’s because I believe I need something.

And if I don’t get it, I’ll suffer.

That’s what was happening here.

• Fear of Being wrong = I need to be right.

• Fear of Being misunderstood = I need to be seen.

• Fear of rejection = I need to be liked.

• Fear of saying the wrong thing to a powerful client = I need their approval, their business, their validation.

This is something I’m still learning, still playing with, still letting humble me.

Every time I find myself hesitating or holding back, I ask:

Because the more needs I bring into a conversation, the less freedom I have to serve.

It’s not just coaches who struggle with this.

It shows up everywhere:

• A young entrepreneur pitching to an investor and diluting their voice.

• A team member speaking up in a meeting and shrinking because the room is full of execs.

• A child trying to express how they feel but assuming their parents “know better.”

• A partner withholding a truth because they don’t want to cause tension.

We place people on pedestals.

And what I’ve learned is that a pedestal is just another prison. It traps both of us.

It keeps them above… and me below.

Them knowing… and me unsure. Them whole… and me incomplete.

But here’s the truth:

They’re not adults.

Not in the way we’ve been taught to believe.

They’re just babies with more birthdays!!!

• More years of belief.

• More thought patterns.

• More repetition of the same ideas, unchecked and unquestioned.

And when I began to see this, I began to see everyone differently.

The CEO client who once made me nervous? He’s a human—just like me.

The woman twice my age who’s been married for 25 years? Still navigating her own unmet needs.

The founder with a 7-figure business? Still afraid of being rejected by her own team.

Babies. With more birthdays. All of us. Me included.

It was my coach who asked me this question that helped bring it all home:

And it landed in a way I didn’t expect.

Because in that moment, I realized I’d still been operating like I wasn’t.

Like I was waiting to be chosen. Waiting to be enough. Waiting to be allowed in.

But there is no club. No finish line. No secret authority that makes someone more valid to speak than you.

There’s only this moment.

And the degree to which I can make an impact—as a coach, a man, a son, a partner, a friend—is directly proportional to the degree to which I can empty myself of need.

Because when I no longer need anything from you… I can finally give to you fully.

And that’s where Love lives. That’s where Service begins. That’s where the room starts to shift.

I share all this because I know I’m not alone in it.

I know there’s someone reading this who’s been shrinking in their relationships.

Who’s been hesitating to say the truth that could set someone free.

Who’s been under-serving their clients, their partner, or themselves because they’re waiting to “grow up” first.

This is your reminder:

You don’t need to be older. You don’t need more proof. You don’t need their permission.

You just need to stop believing the thought that they are more than you.

Because they’re not.

And you’re not less.

They’re just babies. With more birthdays.

Just like you.

With Love & Service,

Julian